Is she dressing for the “male gaze”, or is that just internalised misogyny in disguise

Is your style truly yours, or a reaction? We explore how today’s ‘female gaze’ trends are quietly reinforcing old-school policing of women’s bodies.

Society has always established gender norms to maintain social order. Across epochs and the globe, these norms take different forms. Masculinity, for one, shapeshifts to fit a region’s ideals; in Korea, men have the freedom to embrace softness, as glowing skin and full, long hair are acceptable beauty standards. Africans may not agree on a multitude of issues, but a man with a well-trimmed beard is always appreciated. Whereas in Bollywood, we see men being more in touch with their whimsical side, as it adds to their charisma. Femininity is similar, but despite the shapes it takes around the world, the shaming of women who dare to oppose is the same, and this is also misogyny.

Misogyny is violence, discrimination, hate, and harassment directed towards women. It is one of the oldest forms of prejudice; from “The Odyssey’s Penelope to the daughters of Zelophehad in the Bible, we have grown up with stories that normalise forms of intolerance towards women. But times change, and so does misogyny.

Traditionally, misogyny can take brutal and violent shapes like assault and femicide. In the workspace, it morphs into gender pay gaps and gender flight – a phenomenon where men tend to leave a particular field of profession due to an increase in women in that space. This often results in a decrease in the social perception of said occupation.

In social and eventually legal settings, misogyny gets trickier. Each generation is forced to reckon with and combat misogyny, while the next generation must renegotiate with the newer versions of misogyny. Today, a new snake is hiding in the green grass, and it’s the introduction of the male gaze and female gaze discourse in fashion.

Read also: The impossible standards women are taught to chase, and the body insecurities they leave behind

Unpacking the male gaze vs the female gaze trend

The term “female gaze” predates social media and first emerged as a necessary antithesis to the “male gaze,” a framework introduced by film theorist Laura Mulvey in the 1970s. 

The male gaze describes how media and literature traditionally filter women through a masculine, heterosexual lens, effectively reducing them to passive plot devices and objects for the audience. The female gaze seeks to reclaim the narrative, portraying women as complex subjects with actual agency, prioritising their internal lived experiences and perspectives over their utility as objects of desire. 

Today, these terms have taken on a life of their own. On TikTok, videos captioned “POV: you stopped dressing for the male gaze” are amassing millions of views and thousands of likes. These discussions also exist in the beauty industry, with posts breaking down what “female gaze” makeup looks like. Additionally, there are posts dedicated to segregating certain celebrities into “male gaze” faces and “female gaze” ones.

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On the new interest in this topic, Okeoghene, a Psychology graduate from the University of Lagos, explains, “Society has gender norms for men and women that determine what behaviours are acceptable or not. I believe those norms influence the male and female gaze. In patriarchal societies, however, more emphasis is placed on dressing for the male gaze.”

The misogyny in the male gaze vs the female gaze trend

The “female gaze” videos feature women wearing floral or patterned outfits, usually dresses, or silhouettes that conceal the body, because the opposite is to uncover parts of the body, and men like that, so you mustn’t do it. If that sounds like the exact thing your religious aunt said to you as a kid, then you’re not off the mark. It is also reminiscent of when Grammy-nominated singer Ayra Starr, was shamed for wearing mini skirts during her performances and had to defend herself, saying she doesn’t dress to please anyone. 

Additionally, visual descriptions of male gaze appearance always include women with big lips and curvaceous bodies. On paper, these descriptive terms of fashion and beauty are modern, but the ideology is not. Women, whose bodies did not fit into the brittle and dainty physique that was associated with femininity, have traditionally been deemed as vulgar.

Another issue this raises is the subtle shaming of women who don’t cover up their curves. While the crime is not in being curvy alone, instead it lies in implying that women who dress to highlight this are the “male-centred” crop of women. A bird, if you must.

Okeoghene acknowledges this and calls it for what it is, as she says, “Modesty culture. Women who cover up believe they are more desirable or morally superior to women who don’t share their clothing choices. Some women also take a step further by perpetuating violence against women who don’t conform to set gender norms for dressing.”

Model Ivie Olotu has also faced a similar pushback in her career: “There are biases against women who embrace their curves, and I have dealt with that countless times. You’re either automatically considered promiscuous or easily accessible, which is very upsetting. I think women should be allowed to embrace their curves without feeling like they’re ‘doing too much or looking ‘skimpy’.”

The female gaze in film was introduced to portray women as complex. Ironically, the male gaze and female gaze trend in fashion does more to flatten women because it implies that the sole reason women dress differently from the modest expectation is because of the male gaze.

Read also: Calling a woman a “bird” is not only problematic, but it’s also propaganda that positions women as the inferior sex

There’s more to women’s clothes than a gaze

I work in the fashion industry, and often I get asked about my bangs because they are shorter than the typical length. So the hair gets as much interest as it does my occupation. But lately, I get asked if these are the “man repellent” bangs. I did my research, and I will be honest, the resemblance is striking. However, the idea of cutting my hair to repel men feels… male-centric. He is not plucking his eyes out because he is attracted to my hair, and the Bible instructed him to do it.

Women are expected to take the brunt of this “perceived” attraction. We are also expected to take the shame. But the intriguing part for me is that while I get asked about the male repelling style, I am rarely simply asked: “Why did you cut it so short?”

I would have told them the story of how I read a manga called “Paradise Kiss” and was convinced that Yukari’s hairstyle was the best thing since sliced bread. But the assumption of the male or anti-male gaze has taken precedence over genuine curiosity.

Okeoghene highlights the acknowledgement of personalities in our fashion choices: “Factors I personally consider: comfort, how my outfit makes me feel, what my friends and family think about it. I believe the average person considers that, too. Generally, I think about how we ourselves and our perceptions of others affect the way we dress.”

Olotu feels the same, “I would say I have a passionate and evolving relationship with both fashion & beauty; it’s become a form of self-expression for me. My style has also changed a lot as I’ve become more confident, and I love it every day.”

Fashion is a creative yet male-dominated industry with men holding the major design positions. So we cannot deny that there are male influences. However, women are the number one consumers, and designing without factoring in a single desire from your buyer would be counterintuitive. So, are we implying the designers are making these clothes with men at the forefront of their minds?

Afrique Kod, founded by Dorcas Kadiri in 2018, is a womenswear brand that makes handcrafted beaded clothes and bags. Their bags gained a devout following for their cheeky designs, including one that had the silhouette of a woman’s bust.

Now, they have expanded into garments, and they are not shying away from being cheeky with them, too. Speaking to a representative about how their comfort with nudity could be open to male-centred allegations, they immediately shut it down, saying, “We challenge that idea by placing the woman’s internal experience at the centre of our brand philosophy. The ‘male gaze’ assumes that a woman’s choices are inherently passive and intended to seek external male validation.”

For them, their relationship with design is more intimate than focusing on silhouettes. “When a woman wears Afrique Kod, the heavy beadwork, intricate craftsmanship, and sculptural silhouettes are designed to evoke power, confidence, and self-appreciation. She wears it because of how it connects her to heritage, artistry, and her agency. True liberation means a woman can occupy space and express her beauty without her choices being defined by or attributed to what a man might think.”

They do highlight that they would scrap a design if it veered more into objectification, stating, “Design is an intentional process, and whenever we feel a piece leans too heavily into superficial trendiness without retaining structural dignity, weight, or craftsmanship, we step back. For us, empowerment comes from how a garment makes the wearer feel inside it; supported, striking, and comfortable rather than just how it looks from the outside. If a silhouette compromises that sense of inner power, it gets reworked.”

A beloved young adult womenswear brand shares a similar sentiment. “Adore Her” took off on X (formerly known as Twitter) for its sultry, form-fitting, bespoke designs. Ladele Aduralere of the label disagrees with the idea that her clothes don’t cater to the gaze for women; she knows not all, but believes women should be allowed to embrace their individuality. 

“A lot of my inspiration comes from my younger self. Growing up, I was obsessed with Totally Spies, Winx Club, Barbie and other girlhood icons. I was always drawn to colourful, fun, feminine fashion, and I think that still shows in my work today. Also, I create pieces that reflect that playful imagination while making women feel confident and stylish,” Aduralere expresses, “Even the name Adore Her has nothing to do with men or the male gaze. I design pieces that allow people to explore different sides of their femininity and express themselves freely.”

Remember, the gaze depends on the gazer

There’s a terrifying realisation that you might not be as progressive as you think. But for Gen Z, this is a reality, as data indicates that individuals born post-2000 exhibit a shift toward social conservatism, per findings presented by Tribune Nigeria and The Times in 2016.

It’s covered in modern language, but in the end, you are still deciding that women should cover up. What was once a necessary feminist framework used to dissect the representation of women in media has gradually devolved into a tool for moral gatekeeping. From fashion and beauty to the very shapes of our bodies, everything is now being filtered through a binary that labels women’s choices as belonging to either the “male gaze” or the “female gaze.”

It might be subtle, but as ⁠Okeoghene put it, “Policing women’s clothing choices is definitely a form of misogyny. Yes, some women may enjoy covering up, and others may enjoy wearing less, but when these clothing choices come with coercion—  that is, if you don’t leave your house without a headscarf or if you wear a miniskirt out, then you receive harassment or punishment —  then it is no longer a choice.”

This form of misogyny is not new, as women have fought for the right to their choice of clothing, and to this day, the miniskirt is an enemy of many nations. But you can never build a true relationship with your clothes and body if you are focused on men and what they like or don’t like. Plus, here’s a professional opinion: 

“I strongly believe in the concept of nature and nature — meaning that our behaviour, thoughts and even choices are shaped by our biological nature and the environment we find ourselves in,” Okeoghene says. “This here is what makes attaining true agency a difficult and sometimes lifelong process. However, it is possible with learning, unlearning and deep introspection. Surrounding yourself with people who share values of equality and attaining true agency also helps because, after all, humans are social beings and as such desire community and favourable perceptions from others.”

Read more: Fashion is art, but every hemline, fabric, and silhouette has always had something political to say

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