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Between spontaneous yacht bookings and expensive bridal parties, more friendships are now being tested by money
On a podcast I came across recently, a woman argued that if a group of friends go out and one person wants to order a bottle of wine, but another says she’d rather get a glass, then perhaps that friend should have stayed at home. She took it a step further. If your friends decide to book a yacht on a whim and you can’t afford to join them, maybe you shouldn’t have come out. Her concluding statement was “drop a friend who’s on a budget.”
The comments were exactly what you’d expect. Some people agreed that everyone should “match the vibe.” Others argued that no one should have to spend beyond their means just to prove they belong.
The more I thought about it, the less it seemed to be a conversation about wine or yachts. It was, instead, a conversation about what money has come to mean in many adult friendships.
When different budgets become different levels of friendship
View this post on InstagramOne of the biggest adjustments many of us make as we get older is accepting that our friends will not all earn the same income or have the same financial priorities. One person is saving for rent, while another is paying off a loan. Someone else is supporting family members. And someone simply doesn’t think spending ₦80,000 on dinner is worth it, even if they can afford it.
Those realities don’t make anyone a better or worse friend. They simply make them adults with different lives. Yet somewhere along the way, “I can’t afford it” started sounding like “I don’t value you.”
Money has always been one of the hardest subjects to navigate in any relationship, not just romantic ones. It shapes expectations in many ways. How we spend it, who spends more, what we consider “worth it”, and what we expect the people we love to contribute. Friendships are no different; we just don’t like admitting it.
Perhaps that’s why conversations about money become so emotionally charged. They’re rarely about the bill itself; they become conversations about effort, loyalty and who is or isn’t “showing up.” But financial boundaries are not a measure of affection.
Choosing a glass of wine instead of a bottle isn’t necessarily stinginess. And declining a spontaneous yacht booking doesn’t automatically mean you’re boring. Sometimes it’s simply someone making a responsible financial decision.
The pressure to spend is showing up everywhere
Three black women on a boat via @Kristen Beach on Pinterest This isn’t just about girls’ nights out. We’re seeing it in destination birthdays that require flights and luxury accommodation. Group trips where everyone is expected to upgrade to the same experience. Concerts, brunches and restaurants chosen with little room for different budgets.
Perhaps nowhere is that pressure more obvious than weddings. Being asked to be a bridesmaid has increasingly become a financial commitment as much as an emotional one. By the time you’ve paid for aso ebi, outfits, bridal showers, accommodation, makeup, gifts and transportation, you’re sometimes looking at hundreds of thousands, even millions, of naira.
The expectation is rarely stated outright, but it’s often understood: If you love your friend enough, you’ll find a way. Of course, celebrating the people we love costs money, and most of us are happy to spend on moments that matter.
The problem begins when “That’s outside my budget” is interpreted as a lack of love rather than an honest statement about financial reality.
Good friendships should make room for different realities
Black girls sitting in grass, posing for a picture via Pinterest Friendships should not require identical lifestyles to survive. If anything, the strongest ones recognise that people move through different seasons.
The friend building a business may not have the same disposable income as the one with fewer financial responsibilities. Someone saving for a master’s degree may pass on weekend getaways without loving their friends any less. Some people may simply have decided that spontaneous luxury isn’t where they want their money to go. And that’s okay because not every experience has to include everyone.
Some spontaneous experiences are better suited to solo dates or smaller groups of friends who genuinely want, and can comfortably afford, them. There is nothing wrong with booking the yacht if that’s what you enjoy. However, there is something wrong with making someone feel like a lesser friend for choosing not to come.
The healthiest friendships aren’t the ones where everyone spends the same amount of money. They’re the ones where nobody feels embarrassed to say, “That’s outside my budget.” Adulthood is expensive enough without having to prove your friendship with your debit card.
Read more: Does who you date shape the life you live? The class calculations behind romantic choices
React to this post!The post The biggest tests of adult friendships don’t involve betrayal anymore; they involve money appeared first on Marie Claire Nigeria.
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